So here I am, its lovely and bright outside and I am making lunch. I have lots I can do today. One thing I must do is plant some more seeds indoors. That is, for my outdoor garden. I have already planted some tomatoes, peppers, and Basil. But I have more tomatoes I want to plant as well as herbs and such. Are any of you planning a garden this year? Are you going to buy your plants or start them yourself?
I love gardening. So much that I start thinking about my garden way before it is close to planting time. I usually spend winter thumbing through plant catalogs, and making sketches of what or where I would like to plant things. I am not a very organized person. But I tend to always jot things down in a notebook that I have with me ALL THE TIME! Are any of you like that?
There always seems to be tons to do around here. More schedule’s, work here and away, that it is so hard to just focus one day at a time. But today, I want to focus on a couple things that may make tomorrow more bearable. And do those things to give me a little more hope or joy. Because sometimes out of the whole day there is so much to do, but there is something, usually a little something, you can do to make yourself feel more ahead. And that’s what we should all do from time to time.
Okay now after such deep reflection I thought I would relieve you from my previous post ( *grin*).
Today was a bit better, it was expected had its ups and downs (what days don’t?) but frankly I need a break from da dada soooooo– On to other things, ha ha.
I managed to scrape my barrel of creation and get actually something out of it. But I did have to dive reaaalllly Deep! Please forgive my sarcasm ( there is not a better coping mechanism!). I totally splurged a bit and yesterday bought some super yummy yarn that well…. gave me butterflies. Orange as can be I wasted no time and started right away. Is it stupid to be so excited over a dishrag? Yeh, that’s what I am making. But whatever gives ya joy right?
I did do some other artsy things but feel they are pretty lousy–but I will share it just not today. We may be doing an Easter get together this saturday. Nothing concrete but the plan is kinda floating there. I am unsure of what I may bring food wise–deviled eggs I always want to see, so much that’d I would definitely make and bring just so I knew they would be there. Do you love food like that? I did make some Orange cranberry scones here yesterday. My hub was impressed. I was very critical (theme lately). But in all making scones was a new experience. And I can now add that to my arsenal. Bad day? Have a scone! Fixes EVERYTHING…..insert serious face here.
I had a moment today that lightened the load. I was being super-duper serious and the other was making sarcasm–over a phone conversation. I tried so hard to hide my grins and was afraid the person over the line would pick up on said grins. Well it caught on. And I laughed pretty hard. Almost died ..Watch out if you do that spontaneously! wink.
I think it is true though. There can be some serious crap in life. But don’t you love when you should be chucked out lying on the floor in fetal position when for some odd reason joy lifts your heart and you let out a guttural laugh? It’s not that it is wrong to be serious at times but I also think that circumstances being as bad or as good should at times be met with a nobody hears me chuckle. I mean why not?! I hope you all have a great day today and have one of those chuckle moments! I enjoyed writing this post today, i hope you enjoyed it too!
(Not for the weak hearted.)
I almost didn’t publish this post, it is in itself not uplifting. But it is nitty gritty life and the feelings that can creep in. Not my most favorite post, but it works.
Do you ever feel frustrated? I am having one of those hours were I feel frustrated because at times I can feel invisible, or not enough. I am who I am. And I may not be like everyone else. I am just me. And at times I wonder if I am a different breed. Like I don’t seem to fit. Like I just don’t and am not who everyone was expecting or hoping. I am not here to apologize, apologize for being me. But at the same time I wonder why I am so darned different. And I feel so frustrated that I in areas have not grown or moved were I have always been. I am definitely the loner, independent type. I am scared of new relationships. Scared of being truly myself. And at times it literally feels like pressure to be something or somebody else. There are some conversations I will never fit into. There are doubts I carry that most people don’t want to hear or can’t handle. There is something about me that is to real. At least from what I been getting. I feel sometimes like the only thing acceptable is the skin deep me. Like I better not share my weakness because so and so won’t think about hanging out with me again. And the struggles I have had I feel like I sometimes couldn’t share those either. I feel like reaching out but feel like I can’t reach in. Like the door is locked. And no one would answer it anyway. Do you see a pattern? I am going to just take these frustrations as they come. I may never deeply feel like an asset or valuable. I may not ever feel like I fit. And I may always have hanging questions from my past. And question people’s motives from the past as well. But I know one thing. There has always been God. HE never changes. And He is the most solid person in the universe. So welcome to me. Not necessarily all what I seem to be. But working on being me even when me feels unacceptable. And before you draw a movie, these thoughts are not geared towards any certain person or otherwise. Just a common feeling that I percieve the goal- or goals that I seem to not reach.