There is just so much I love about gardening, I simply cannot get enough of it. Just when I think I am at my limit in gardening space I somehow find another reason to add more growing space some way or another. I think the main motivation for me in introducing more gardening space is to have more opportunities to eat right out of the garden. It nourishes not just my body but at times even my soul. I have been dealing with so much lately, my garden is a nice refuge and its just so nice to do those days were grief is right there in my face day after day. Right now as I write this I am making Stefan and I some dinner incorporating the Pak Choy I have growing in containers. Organic chicken thighs, garlic, oyster sauce, honey, soy sauce, grated ginger, sesame and coconut oils is part of the concoction I am putting together. I found the recipe online and I have no idea how it is going to turn out. Its nice knowing that one of the main ingredients pak choy is one I already had on hand.
I am not really sure how to start this post of mine, but wanted to get back to a sense of normalacy if at all possible. This year is proving to be a hard one. I lost my dad very unexpectantly, he was only 55. I cannot begin to wrap up (even) if I had 100 pages what it feels like to lose your dad. And honestly I am not even going to try it. All I really want to say is that there is a ache in my being that never goes away, a longing for one more hug, one more visit, one more sight of him, and even the thought of that, brings me right now to tears. And with it there are a lot of memories, pictures, and dreams not realized. I might one day share more on this feeling, but right now I am doing my best to heal. And that I found comes not always easy. I would like to take if I may a step back for awhile, not neccessarily ingoring these feelings of mine, but let everyone know that this blog has always been my way to post encouragement, good ideas, and at times hurts. I don’t want to be constantly riding a train drenched with sorrow, because in a daily sense I cannot continue to live that way (even though I am tempted to).
I find it helps sometimes if I keep busy and focused. But I also need to be real, time to heal, and have a real good sorrowful sob so I can keep going. All I can say is losing a parent is not for wimps. So without further ado I am going to move from here just a bit, and only dig deep into grief when and if I can. I might post on the weather, or I may go on more serious. Just want to take my time, and do what I need to do.
I scraped myself from the warm bed, had me a shower, stretched forth and grabbed my car keys– I was headed to the Re-Store. Its a place were loads of scrap whether wood, hardwear, or windows can be found. And can be had at a fraction of the cost of retail. I had purpose, to find a barrel, one of those plastic drums you see in restaurants that hold grease, and other foodlike ingredients. You see it is now when a gardener would start dreaming up ones big plan for an eden, a garden fortress to grub on. And for do-it-yourselfer’s the theme always rolls to the term ‘cheap’. And being so I found some good timber to build a raised bed with, but no luck for the barrel, the trek obviously was still worth something.
I paid seven dollars per board and one board is sure to give me fits later because at seven dollars– this board was warped. But I don’t care, and the plants will understand, I want to do things cheaply. I keep trying to concoct a vision, a long bed, two small beds? What to do? Strawberries or a combination of strawberries, beans, and lettuce? Oh its just so insane!!! Whats a gardner to do? The stress its killin me…lol.